OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
