Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
