Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
