I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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