my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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