I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
