Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
