If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
