My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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