dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize