You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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