Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
