Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
