I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
