Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
