We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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