I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
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