but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
