Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
