I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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