Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
