did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
