oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Randomize
