____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
