Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize