you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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