Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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