Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
