why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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