Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
