Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i think my cat just said my name.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
