i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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