matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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