True but thats because hes a fetus.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
