My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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