I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't deserve a penis
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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