Pappa wants mamma naked
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
