i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
