Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
