I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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