i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
