I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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