I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
