Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Houston, we have a squirter
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
