i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
