You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
