The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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