now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
