She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
