Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
