You just made me feel so damn special
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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