I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
