angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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