i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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