Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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