he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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