My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
