I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize