That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
