let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
