Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
