The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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