I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
