Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
