I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
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