dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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