new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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