Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
