So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
