One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
