Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I need water and some morals
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
