It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Did you pee in the oven last night??
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
