i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
