he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
