I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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