I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
