judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
