I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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